Holidays

Thanksgiving has come and gone. And I had (and continue to have) so much to be grateful for. I went to Tennesse and spent a wonderful, and wonderfully long, weekend with my family. It was, as always, great to be "home." I think the place where our family resides always holds an aspect of home, regardless of how long we've been gone. I don't know what time and the future holds as far as where I'll live. But TN will always be one of my homes. It was truly a delightful time - seeing all the kiddos, doing a lot of laughing and smiling. Yes, I missed Nate. But I know he's better than fine. That comforts me when, in my frailty, I wish he were still here.

I will admit, now that I'm a few days into December, the month is catching me off-guard. I know what's coming. The first anniversary. I already am thinking of and missing him more than usual. I haven't set up my Christmas tree yet but know I will soon. I don't know if it will be solely blue and silver or if it will incorporate ornaments of the past as well... guess I'll find out as I'm doing it! :)

I'm reminded once again of a couple of things - grief sucks; God is sufficient. There is a line I recently heard, well, *really* heard in a Relient K song. It says, "The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." It was a kind reminder of something I've clung to over the past 18 months. I know I've said it before. I don't care. I'll say it again, to remind me and anyone else who needs the reminder - Life's not fair. And I am so glad because I've been given so much more than I deserve. So, as I approach Christmas and the anniversary of Nathan's passing, I'll celebrate life's unfairness. I have a God who cared enough about stupid me that His son became a lowly baby in order to live an innocent life, die a tragic death, and conquer that death so that I have Hope. I got to be married for a long time (though certainly not long enough) to a good man, good provider, good Christian, good friend. And it was all encompassed in one person! I know what it is to be loved. That's a pretty huge and definitely undeserved blessing. And it's one I'll never take for granted. Nor will I ever settle for less. Because I know love is real, it can last, and I am capable, however undeserving, of being loved. And I know how to love. I want to make sure I remember and practice that every day for as long as I live.